You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
