found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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