and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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