She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
