Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize