I faked an abortion last night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
