She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
