forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
