Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize