This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
