At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize