I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize