it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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