***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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