oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
