I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
