Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
