I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
