I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize