Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
