It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
