i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
