i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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