Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize