i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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