Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
