i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize