You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
