remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
