4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
