I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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