she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
