It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
