Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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