I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
