shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
