i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
