You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
