i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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