everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
