Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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