i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
