I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
