why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
