My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dignity is for republicans.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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