You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
