Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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