You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
