I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
