what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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