Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
