shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize