Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
