Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
