The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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