If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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