i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
