One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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