Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
