I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
