If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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