It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize