It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
