YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
