nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
