I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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