hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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