Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I forget how to act sober
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