All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
