New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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