At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
