eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
