is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
