glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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