It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize