my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
