Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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