so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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