There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
