i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
they're like a gay fantastic four
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
