I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
