There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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