I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
