I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
