bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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