I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
