I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize