I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
