He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
