I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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