I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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