That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize