I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
