I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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