Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize