yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
