Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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