dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
