I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
