If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
