No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
