Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
