and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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