Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
