I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
