My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
