I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
