did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
