ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
