respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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