Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize