? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
