I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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