Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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