bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
