i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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